homemade jokes by charlie smith

and riddles

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License



What happened to the frog that didn't put money in his parking meter on Hillsborough Street ?

He was towed (toad)



What does a dinosaur do when he can't think of the right word to say ?

He asks a thesarus



Was Rene Descartes really a philosopher ?

No, he just THOUGHT, HE WAS



Why does the turkey have a hard time getting out of bed around thanksgiving ?

He doesn't even want to think about DRESSING


Q: what is the disciples favorite flower at Easter time?

 A: a rose.



Q: In Dante's Divine Comedy, there are different levels of hell. one for murders, thieves, Carolina fans, etc.  What happens to people that tell bad jokes?

A: they get PUNished


Q: what was the pilgrim's favorite kind of music?

A: Plymouth  Rock


Q: why will Santa be a bit late this year?

A: one of reindeer has a flat hoof


Q: at the post-Christmas press conference, Santa was asked why the sleigh was running a bit slower this year. What was his response ?

A: No comment (comet)


Q: what's the Easter bunny's favorite kind of music?

A: hip-hop


Q: what section of the library does the bookworm go to at breakfast time?

A: serials


Q: what is the favorite european painter of the financial math student?

A: Monet (money)


Q: Why was Van Gogh a painter rather than a musician?

A: he didn't have an ear for music


Q: what's the favorite coffee of the laywer ?

A: SU(E)matra.


Q: what's the favorite cofffee of the dairy farmer?

A: De-Caf  (the calf)


Q: What is the favorite type of music of St Patrick ?

A: Sham-rock


Q: Why did the snowman fail his statistics course?

A: He froze on the final exam 


Q: Which fraternity did the coffee lover rush  ?

A: KAPPA-cino


Q: What's this year's spring fashion for restriction enzymes?

A: cut-off jeans (genes)


Q: What do you get the bioinformatics person for their birthday?

A:  a new pair of jeans

Q: Why don't you see puppies on Amtrak?

A: they are not trained

Q: Why did the chemist go to the dermatologist?

A: to get a mole removed


Q: What did the computer science major order at the coffee shop?

A:  Java